Widening my network
Upon reading this article today: The real way to build a social network, I have become extremely aware of how I've completely undervalued my "shallower" relationships.
There was a time a few years back when I felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of social obligations that I had--someone's birthday every week, house warming, baby showers, bridal showers, weddings to take up all of my weekends. I was so miserable that I had to consciously take some measures to reduce the social excess in my life.
It began by cutting off or severely loosening shallow ties. It wasn't easy and I took some flak for it, but it had to be done. I jumped at the chance to work abroad for six months in a country where I didn't know anyone nor did I speak the language. I missed my close friends and family but it felt so good not to have any obligations--to own my time completely.
Since coming back from that, I've changed my approach to friendships. I would invest heavily in the people that were in my inner circle and not worry too much about the rest. As a side effect of this approach, I was also less open to meeting new people. I already don't have enough time for my close friends, what is the point in making new ones?
My mistake was that I had lumped all the people in my life in the same basket. Not all relationships have to be personal. Good relationships can also just be collaborative--a network of people to exchange ideas and share interests with. I recall a night not too long ago where I was at a social gathering discussing politics with people I had just met and I had a stimulating time. So what if I don't know their last names?
According to the article, the best types of network are "wide and selectively deep." I need to work on the "wide" part but it starts here with the shifting of the mind.
There was a time a few years back when I felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of social obligations that I had--someone's birthday every week, house warming, baby showers, bridal showers, weddings to take up all of my weekends. I was so miserable that I had to consciously take some measures to reduce the social excess in my life.
It began by cutting off or severely loosening shallow ties. It wasn't easy and I took some flak for it, but it had to be done. I jumped at the chance to work abroad for six months in a country where I didn't know anyone nor did I speak the language. I missed my close friends and family but it felt so good not to have any obligations--to own my time completely.
Since coming back from that, I've changed my approach to friendships. I would invest heavily in the people that were in my inner circle and not worry too much about the rest. As a side effect of this approach, I was also less open to meeting new people. I already don't have enough time for my close friends, what is the point in making new ones?
My mistake was that I had lumped all the people in my life in the same basket. Not all relationships have to be personal. Good relationships can also just be collaborative--a network of people to exchange ideas and share interests with. I recall a night not too long ago where I was at a social gathering discussing politics with people I had just met and I had a stimulating time. So what if I don't know their last names?
According to the article, the best types of network are "wide and selectively deep." I need to work on the "wide" part but it starts here with the shifting of the mind.
Comments
Post a Comment